Dysfunction
by unavoidable-k
Summary: When Karin reveals that she is pregnant, it proves to be the most daunting challenge for Team Taka. With Sasuke gone, Suigetsu and Juugo struggle to keep Taka functioning with the addition of a child. How were they supposed to keep working as a team? Maybe they didn't have to work as a team. Maybe they could work as a...family? -Poly!Taka with SuiKa child-
1. I'm sorry, you're what now?

"You're what now?"

A dead silence rang out. Two pairs of eyes were now fixated on Karin, who merely sighed in response. She was being unusually calm about the situation, which was what Suigetsu found even more confusing. There was no way this was happening. Denial seemed to set in Suigetsu's mind before he even had a chance to register the information.

"I said, I'm pregnant." She repeated in a dull tone.

Juugo's eyes widened a fraction and his mouth fell open, but he remained silent. However, no change had been made to Suigetsu's face. He looked just as confused as before. Karin was going to punch him in the face if he asked again and Suigetsu seemed to notice that. He stood back as his face evened out; he inspected Karin. There was no obvious sign of pregnancy. There was no bump and he hadn't seen her experience anything akin to morning sickness either. Surely she wasn't doing this as a prank. It just wasn't like her.

He sighed in a defeated manner.

"Okay...I have no clue what's going on. How did this happen?"

Karin's expression suddenly turned angry. "What do you mean 'how did this happen?!' Are you fucking stupid? Do I have to explain the process of reproduction to you like a fucking child?" Suigetsu backed away and Juugo looked alarmed. The pair raised their hands in defence as they shared a look of concern. Juugo opened his mouth timidly to speak.

"Uh...Karin, he didn't mean it that way. I think what he meant was...uh...who?" He daren't look the redhead in the eyes, so he fixated his gaze on the floor. He wasn't quite sure where he was going with this, but Suigetsu flashed him a grateful look. The pair looked like deer caught in headlights. Karin removed her thick-framed glasses and gently squeezed the bridge of her nose with a sigh.

"Who else is it going to be, apart from you? And don't you dare say you don't remember! You were drunk but you weren't _that_ drunk!" She pointed a spindly finger in his direction in an accusatory manner. He backed off, looking a little offended. "Drunk enough for non-consensual sex, apparently." He muttered, offhandedly. He gulped slightly when Karin shot him the darkest glare.

"Don't make it worse for yourself..." Juugo mumbled at him. Suigetsu figured he should take his large friends advice if he wanted to live, so he shot a very apologetic glance at the short female. Karin seemed to accept it and carried on speaking.

"While I'm not sure what to make of the entire situation, I'm not giving this baby up." She seemed to glare at Suigetsu when she said this. Suigetsu had the courtesy to look somewhat ashamed of himself, as he watched a cricket make its journey across the stone floor. He bet that cricket never had in worries in its life. Lucky bastard.

"That being said..." Karin trailed, subconsciously putting a hand to her abdomen. "...I'm not sure if I can do this alone. I'm not sure if I can keep doing... _this_!" She wasn't directly gesturing at anything, but the two men understood what she meant. Having a baby usually meant settling down, for a kunoichi. She couldn't keep travelling with Juugo and Suigetsu and sure, they had a few places here and there but they were too far out of the way. There was no way her- _their_ child could have a normal childhood if they maintained their rogue ninja status.

Karin was torn and Suigetsu could see it. On one hand, she didn't want to give up her baby but on the other hand, she didn't want to give up her life as it was. She was hardly the type to settle down and Suigetsu couldn't see her as the typical 'stay-at-home' mother either. Karin knew she couldn't chain Suigetsu down if she did decide to settle down somewhere because even if it was his shared responsibility, she couldn't force him to give up his life. In fact, he didn't even have an obligation to stay, in Karin's eyes. The bastard could up and leave her behind. Well...it wasn't like they were a couple anyway.

She was surprised to suddenly feel Juugo place a hand on her petite shoulder. His face held genuine concern and before she knew her, her eyes were swimming with tears. What the hell was she supposed to do?!

There was no point in holding it back, was there. A broken sob erupted from her lips as the tears began to spill from her eyes. She could make out the blurry shape of Juugo, as he reeled back in surprise. He was obviously not used to comforting people- especially women.

Suigetsu sighed, sympathetically. He felt like he should apologise, but now didn't seem like the time for words. Juugo was staring at him, helpless to do anything and he wasn't sure what to do. Before he knew it, he was embracing the petite nin. He wasn't sure what prompted him to do such a thing, but all he knew was that Karin needed it.

Karin on the other hand, wasn't very happy. Firstly, this was incredibly humiliating. It was an unwritten rule of sorts between kunoichi, that they were never to cry in public. (Actually, it was a true shinobi rule as well, but nobody really followed the rules, did they?) After all, many men naturally deemed kunoichi to be less worth than other shinobi, so for a kunoichi to cry...it would only give them the satisfaction of being right.

Secondly, she just knew Suigetsu was doing this out of pity. Sure, he got her pregnant, but it wasn't like he held romantic feelings for her. That truly angered her, but she couldn't push him away just yet. After all, it wasn't like he was going to stick around much longer...

The future looked bleak.

* * *

Karin was now asleep on a ratty sofa against the wall, and Suigetsu was glad. Seeing her cry, for possibly the first time in his life, really tugged at his heartstrings but he would never admit it. He briefly wondered if she still harboured an obsession for Sasuke. Part of him hoped not.

Juugo was sat opposite him, gently stroking a tiny brown bird that was perched on one of his fingers. It was hard to believe the lunatic of a monster he often saw rampaging around was actually this rather innocent man. As impressive as he found his abilities, he couldn't help but feel sympathetic. He had a feeling Juugo would have a much grander time as a farmer than this, but he seemed to be coping.

He seemed to adjust okay when Sasuke left too, something which both Karin and Suigetsu were immensely worried about. After all, Juugo practically relied on Sasuke to keep him in check and with him gone, nobody knew what he would do. Luckily, it seemed that, over time, he'd gradually grown more controlled over his curse mark. Of course, he had his off days, but Suigetsu and Karin were able to defend themselves when he did.

"What are you going to do?"

Juugo's question took Suigetsu off guard suddenly and the mist nin looked up at him in surprise. "Me? Jesus, I have no clue. I mean...it's not like I can leave Karin by herself, right? Childcare is pretty much a two man job." He rested his chin on his palms as he stared at his water bottle on the table. "But I know she wouldn't appreciate me being around just for the sake of the kid." Juugo seemed to nod in agreement.

The room settled into an odd silence, void of any sound but Karin's light snores. Suigetsu watched her from his seat across the room; she did look rather peaceful when asleep. Suigetsu wondered what would happen if he did end up liking her. Loving her, even. Well, she kind of mellowed out when Sasuke left so she wasn't _that_ bad.

Juugo watched Suigetsu silently. The pair had what at first seemed like a bad relationship, but when you dug a little deeper, they were able to work together quite well. Suigetsu was naturally antagonistic and Karin almost always retaliated, so their fights were frequent but easily forgotten. Juugo partially envied them for it. Their arguments weren't just them taking out their aggression on each other anymore. It seemed more like banter than anything else; they didn't take each others insults personally.

Juugo was taken out of his little trance when the tiny bird that was previously perched on his finger, lifted its wings and flew away.

Now he felt more alone than ever.

* * *

Oh boy, here we go... I've been thinking about this for a long time. Anyway, check out **basedtaka** on Tumblr to see what inspired such a story! UvU It's good, I promise you~!


	2. Cooking with Taka

It was roughly about 11pm and Suigetsu had been sitting in his chair for a very long time now. The more he watched Karin, the more helpless he felt to the entire situation. Knowing her, she wouldn't accept his help but he couldn't just leave it as it was. Suigetsu sighed, pulling himself out of his chair. He'd start with smaller things that would help her out and work his way up.

Right now the only thing he could think of was dinner.

Karin had been asleep a few hours and it was guaranteed that she'd be hungry once she woke up, so this seemed like the best place to start. There was a small kitchen space in the corner behind him. Rummaging through the cupboards, most of the ingredients weren't fresh. After all, they moved around from place to place a lot so buying things like fish and fresh fruit weren't so much a good idea, especially since they didn't have a freezer here. Virtually useless appliances cost too much money.

There were a few packs of noodles piled up in the cupboard above the stove and several jars of something to the side. One of the jars looked suspiciously green and he wasn't going to risk it; especially if Karin was pregnant. He sidled towards the sink, checking the rest of the cupboards. There was a small bowl full of dried chilies and half a clove of garlic, which still looked in good condition. He set it on the counter, along with a packet of noodles.

Honestly, what was he even doing? He couldn't even cook, for god's sake! He was a shinobi; a ruthless fighter, not a bloody chef! But then again, basic culinary skills were essential for a shinobi too. Maybe now was the time to start learning...

By the time he'd finished his search of the kitchen, he'd ended up with a pack of noodles, some chili and garlic, a small pot of salt and pepper and a bottle of sesame seed oil. There were some strips of nori in one cupboard, but he had no rice so that was pretty much useless, right? He glared at the ingredients as if they were mocking him.

The door beside him opened and he looked up. Juugo stepped out and quietly shut the door behind him, checking to see if Karin was still asleep. He turned to Suigetsu and opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he saw the ingredients on the counter. He looked between the ingredients and Suigetsu with a questioning expression.

"What are you doing?" He finally asked. Suigetsu's eyebrows furrowed and he glared at the taller man. "What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm trying to cook!" He said, gesturing to the ingredients. Juugo actually snickered behind his hand and Suigetsu felt a little embarrassed. "You haven't even done anything, though. What are you trying to make?" He stood behind him and looked over his shoulder at what he had laid out on the counter. He hummed, clearly unimpressed.

"You're trying to cook for Karin right? I'm not so sure if thi-" He was cut off by Suigetsu's indignant protest. "I never said I was cooking for her! Jeez..." He crossed his arms in a huff and Juugo watched him with wide eyes.

"Well...alright then. Even still, it's not really enough." The pair looked down at the offending items on the counter. "Aren't shinobi meant to be able to survive on bland shit like this though?" Suigetsu asked, picked up the noodle packet and giving it an experimental squeeze. It crackled in his hand and Suigetsu could feel himself becoming increasingly annoyed by the situation.

"I guess so? But that's probably in extreme circumstances. It's not really nutritious is it?" Juugo commented, picking up a piece of dry chilli and rolling it between his fingers. "It's not really good for..." He stopped suddenly. He was about to say that it wasn't really suitable for Karin's situation but he knew that would tick Suigetsu off even more. The smaller man looked ready to give up right now.

"I have an idea...why don't you start on the noodles and I'll be back soon." Juugo smiled, putting the chilli back in the pot. Suigetsu stared at him blankly before jumping into action. He grabbed a pot from the top of the cupboard, rinsing the dust out of it as Juugo slipped out once again.

Luckily, he hadn't managed to fuck it up yet. The noodles were boiling quite nicely with the addition of salt and pepper. He shouldn't have been as proud of this as he was, but he couldn't help it. (He was virtually useless when it came to food. This was actually an achievement for him.) He glanced at the door and wondered when Juugo would come back. He'd been out for a while now and he'd already put two and two together and figured out that Juugo had left to forage for something edible. Not only did Juugo have an extensive knowledge of birds and other creatures, but he also knew quite a bit about plants and mushrooms and the like. It made him quite useful when it came to surviving in the wild.

He didn't realise he was staring at the clove of garlic on the counter and when he snapped out of his thoughts, he figured he should do something with it. He shrugged, pulled a knife from the draw beneath the sink and got to work. At that moment, Juugo slipped out from behind the door, holding something beneath his cloak. Juugo glanced over to see what he was doing and smiled in approval while Suigetsu shot him a questioning look.

Juugo smiled knowingly, pulling his hands out from underneath his cloak.

"Quail eggs."

Suigetsu's confusion was visible and Juugo sighed softly. "A quail is a kind of ground-dwelling bird..." Juugo began to explain, but Suigetsu shook his head. "I know that...sorta. I just thought you were against eating eggs or something. Y'know, baby birds and whatever?" Suigetsu shrugged, absentmindedly stirring the noodles. Juugo pulled a face.

"I did check beforehand. These are unfertilised eggs, so they're fine to eat. I have nothing against eggs if they're unfertilised." Juugo placed the eggs on the counter. Suigetsu was suddenly reminded of a time they spent in a hot country to the north. One of the foods sold on the street were boiled duck eggs with the poor little ducklings still inside them. Sasuke had carefully manoeuvred Juugo around that stall to avoid any upset and Suigetsu nearly threw up on the spot. He didn't normally have a soft spot for animals but that was truly one hundred shades of fucked up.

He shuddered slightly, feeling his mouth go dry at the thought. _So gross!_ He thought, as Juugo watched his face pale with curiosity. He opened his mouth to ask why, but the sounds of stirring from the other side of the room had drawn his attention. It seemed that Karin was waking up.

As he heard the shuffling noises behind him, Suigetsu froze on the spot. Every move around Karin felt like he was treading on thin ice and he had no idea why. Was it because she was pregnant? That was probably it, right? Juugo watched him go blank and sighed. He feared the situation would make Suigetsu increasingly incapable of handling anything and it seemed like that's exactly what this was coming to. He gently nudged the mist nin out of way and took over cooking, lest he burnt anything.

* * *

The three sat and ate in a rather strained silence. The tension was becoming unbearable now and Karin almost felt embarrassed for the two males sat in front of her.

"Alright..." She began, setting her bowl down, "I guess I kind of dropped the news on you kind of suddenly." Suigetsu resisted the urge to nod; it would only earn him a slap. "I guess you're looking for some kind of explanation?" She seemed to direct this question at Juugo, who flushed slightly and hid behind his bowl of noodles.

"I'm pretty sure it was the festival, right?" Suigetsu commented. "The typical 'one-night-stand' kind of deal. We drank too much and this is the result." He seemed agitated and Juugo couldn't blame him. This entire situation seemed incredibly stressful.

Karin frowned at his comment. "Don't be a dick, Suigetsu." Suigetsu growled and opened his mouth to retort when Juugo swiftly cut in; hands raised. "Let's...not fight about this, alright? Why don't we drop it and talk about it another time. I think everybody needs time to adjust." He sighed in relief when the other two seemed to nod in agreement. Suigetsu almost immediately stood up, taking his bowl to the kitchen.

"I'm going to bed." He said, flatly, before leaving.

Now Juugo was placed in an even more awkward situation than before. Honestly, how was he supposed to cope? Usually it was the team keeping him from killing everybody, not the other way around. He could feel a migraine coming on. He looked up at the redhead in concern, despite the throbbing sensation in his temples.

"Are you okay?" He asked, quietly. Karin merely nodded silently, before taking her own bowl to the kitchen and then slipping out.

He wasn't going to cope.

* * *

Uh I guess someone asked why Karin wasn't having Sasuke's child? As cool as that idea for many reasons, this is based on a thing from Tumblr so I'm kind of respecting the original work and all that, not to mention, I prefer Suigetsu over Sasuke?. I guess this is kind of set after the war and Sasuke has drifted off (I dunno if he still actively participates alongside taka in the manga but in this he doesn't so *shrug* but I'm sure he'll make an appearance in later chapters.)

Also I have no idea where I'm going with this so if it's inconsistent and shitty, I'm sorry? The whole drunken one night stand is really unoriginal I know ;-;


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